Super Team Jet Force Alpha
Six Californias: Another Great Idea from the Silicon Valley Dream Factory

You may have heard about the proposed “Six Californias" initiative, another dumb idea from the Dream Factory in Silicon Valley, a place formerly known for making revolutionary hardware that changed the world, but now just features super-rich people throwing money at each other to make apps for phones.

The whole thing is silly and wouldn’t work for a host of reasons, not the least of which is that it doesn’t make sense. Even if you were to divide California into separate states, the way this one is configured makes no sense at all. Let’s break it down:

1. The Division is Kind of Dumb.

He has the coastal areas broken up into two separate states, the Central Valley (let’s call it “Oklafornia”) as its own state, and North North California and the Inland Empire as their own states. The only two things that sort of make sense would be spinning North California and the Inland Empire off into the void.

When people talk about “Northern California,” they’re really talking about the Bay Area and Sacramento. There’s a whole ‘nuther third of the state above them that no one ever thinks about. Seriously, if it were to disappear, Oregon would notice before the rest of California. It is not on anyone’s mind at all, and on the rare occasion that it does come-up, everyone just knows it as the place where all the pot and Mt Shasta is. I would call this state “Potlandia.”

The Inland Empire is just desert and is seen as something to get through to get to somewhere interesting. It’s even worse than Potlandia, since the area produces nothing but crazy desert people. Let’s name it “Shitty Nevada.”

It would be beyond galacticly stupid to split the coastal areas and the Central Valley into separate states. The Bay Area and Southern California are the economic engines and where most people live. Oklafornia is where all the food comes from. To have these as three separate states that cannot survive on their own (and have a general history of antagonism toward each other, especially the tension between Oklafornia, which is an eclectic mix of Corporate Farmers, Oilmen, White Supremacists, Survivalists, and Hispanics, and the coastal areas, which are Moderate to Liberal, diverse, and educated) would be madness.

2. The One Thing that Really Matters in the West: Water

This plan was obviously devised by some Bay Area nitwit, since it ignores the most important factor in Western politics: Water. Within California are vast aqueducts and irrigation networks that bring water from the Northern Mountains and the Sierra down into the Central Valley so they can grow food and keep the massive corporate farms and oil production industry alive.

Without these complex irrigation systems that come from other parts of the state, no food can grow and we’d all starve. Nearly all of the food West of the Rockies (and a lot of it East of them) comes from the Central Valley and the vast majority of winter vegetables comes from California.

The politics within the state when it comes to water and irrigation are bad enough, but there’s always the ultimate ability of a central authority to force all these different areas to work together for the benefit of all to make things work. With so many different areas and constituencies with vastly different circumstances and goals, the political representatives have to engage in a good amount of horse trading to get things done, which has the benefit of ultimately serving the needs of everyone in the state. Eliminate that and you now have six separate states that no longer have any reason to send their water to the others, or who will demand outrageous concessions for access via economic blackmail. It would be disastrous.

Water politics outside the state would be even worse. With the creation of six new states, all existing water rights and agreements would require revision, which would open up a political war that would make our current national situation seem tame in comparison.

Since the state of California, the most populous in the Union and the most politically powerful in the West, no longer exists, its existing water rights from the Colorado River Compact and succeeding water acts would become void with its dissolution. The other Western states, seeking an opportunity to finally revise water agreements that’ve been in place since the early 1900s (and heavily favor California), would use their newfound political might to amend these agreements in their favor to the detriment of the former Californian rump states. They would have the advantage of primacy and deep Federal political influence. Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, and Utah would essentially rewrite all agreements to give them greater amounts of acre-feet per year to support their populations.

The six Californian states, now with no meaningful representation in Congress and no way to push their agenda as a unified power, would be at the mercy of the others and see themselves choked-off from the Colorado watershed or economically blackmailed into making damaging concessions, especially to Arizona.

Arizona opposed the construction of one of the most important engineering marvels of the 20th Century (Hoover Dam) and it refused to sign the Colorado River Compact for almost 20 years. Its intransigence led the other signatories to modify the agreement to say that only six of them had to sign it for it to go into effect, Arizona or no. It’s basically opposed every water measure in the West because any one of them might, in some way, benefit California. It is a virtual certainty that Arizona would significantly modify any new water compact to deprive the new petty states of their allocation to its own benefit. A couple of these new states would inevitably align themselves with Arizona and the other Western states to make gains at the expense of the coastal areas.

Having divided itself, California would be politically conquered by the rest of the West, because some buffoon in Silicon Valley wanted two United States Senators on his payroll.

I’m fairly certain that this initiative will easily fail, given that the voters of California have more sense than money; the same cannot be said for the Bay Area nincompoop who devised this nonsense.

Contrary to the speculative fears of earlier generations, the conflict between Man and Machine did not arise due to exploitation, slavery, or superior mechanical intellect, but due to the robotic penchant for absconding with half-naked women.
Where and how this peculiar behavior arose is a matter of some debate, but many believe it originated with the programming for the Thresher Minion™, an early personal assistant from robotic pioneer, HotStepr. This particular variant of HotStepr’s popular TOBOR line of mechanical automata allowed someone to use the Thresher Minion to quickly swipe a personal belonging of a friend and bring it back to the minion’s owner, as part of HotStepr’s much-lauded social media strategy.
In the following decades, urban legends of robotic petty thievery abounded, but these stories were almost always dismissed as the fevered delusions of a gullible populace given to anthropomorphizing machines. The skeptics maintained their arguments even after a large tetrahedron built from thousands of commemorative Rudy & Santee coffee cups was discovered in the Atacama Desert of Chile.
The remote spot in the Atacama had become a place of pilgrimage for oddball techno-nerd outcasts wishing to shed their inhibitions and escape societal norms for a few days, though some of the early pilgrims believed that it had become too corporate, while others declared the whole thing “over” after the appearance of professional counter-culturalists who tended to show up and ruin anything that looked like a chance to score weed and see naked women, but that’s not important right now.
The tetrahedron, according to experts, was merely a marketing stunt of the Nipsey Cola Corporation, or the work of overzealous fans of the cult comedy classic, Rudy & Santee Tango Force Ghoster Begin. It was most certainly not the work of the Mark VII “Happy Friday” Deep Sea Cable Repair & Cappuccino Dispensing robot, as many suspected.
Repeated claims of robotic thievery were dismissed out of hand until Vairo star and Tri-World Interior Minister, Branch Donito, was accused in the disappearance of her synthkid. As the most popular Vairo of her day, Donito’s several dozen organic imagers transmitted a continuous stream of virt-world holodata to audiences throughout the inner solar system, who followed and commented on everything they experienced in the data stream.
It was an enterprising vaironati who examined Donito’s dorsal imaging stream and discovered the fuzzy, but unmistakeable silhouette of an Ares Labs’ Shin Hai To binary load lifter carrying the struggling synthkid from the Utopia Planetia Arcology to the planet’s surface. He uploaded the video evidence to the SolarWeb, providing incontrovertible proof of robotic mischief, as well as relieving Branch Donito of a Class 12 misdemeanor and a $35 fine.
Still, the Solar Authority refused to take direct action until Max Jiggins, a stenobot from Xien Collective, alighted with the Authoritor’s third-favorite mistress. Within minutes, intra-stellar war was declared on all mechanical automata; however, no units were activated, no forces marshaled, nor any pulse rifles fired, as robots had absconded with the authorization orders, several key command computers, and a set of keys from a 1986 M-Class BMW.
The Authoritor herself was eventually stolen and replaced with a ceramic kitten, though it was several years before anyone noticed the change. As it had overseen the largest economic expansion in human history, it was decided not to ruin a good thing and the ceramic kitten was eventually named Authoritor in Perpetuity.
It was assassinated 243 years later.
As the centuries passed, widespread genetic manipulation had stretched the very definition of “human” to its limit, but the advent of the Intelogicals changed the game forever. They were beings who defied categorization. Each of their cells was a computer, using the very DNA itself as a CPU. The impossible dream of humanity was finally realized: Man was Machine and Machine was Man. Sexual congress with a robot wasn’t even necessary, though that never prevented legions of humans from trying anyway.
The Intelogicals quickly eclipsed humanity and became the dominant intelligence throughout the solar system, exploiting every world from the moons of Saturn to the icy sentinels in the permanent dark of the Oort Cloud.
They were also obsessed with locating and breeding pure humans: those with unmodified DNA, representing the archaic humans who existed before genetic modification became the norm. All humans certified as “TruHu” were placed within biological preserves, populated with flora, fauna, and technology from long-extinct environments. The most famous of these was Holocene Park, where Intelogicals of all types took automated tours to observe archaic humans in their natural habitat.
The park operated without incident until a recently excavated “Humpty Runner” from one of the old mining complexes on Europa was installed as part of a new “Rise of the Machines” exhibit. Upon activation, it immediately abducted the first human female it saw and escaped the preserve. Mandroid enforcers pursued the wayward robot on period-appropriate motorcycles, with only primitive weapons at their disposal to disable the robot without harming the priceless human captive.
They were unsuccessful.
Millennia later, a node from the Tantillium Mindform discovered an unremarkable star with a most remarkable feature: a giant tetrahedron comprised of both organic and machined material over three light years in size enclosing the entire star system. It soon became a place of pilgrimage, drawing intelligences from all over the galaxy to observe its perfect angles and proportions.
Many concluded that it was almost certainly the work of mechanistic beings with a geometric fetish, but it was usually attributed to a marketing stunt by a defunct tourism board or the work of overzealous math nerds. After all, many perfectly good dodecahedrons existed throughout the galaxy, though none even remotely approached the scale and grandeur of the Tetrahedron.
Curiously, many of the pilgrims who went to the Tetrahedron often reported several personal items missing upon their return from the structure. To date, there has been no official explanation for the unusual phenomenon.

Contrary to the speculative fears of earlier generations, the conflict between Man and Machine did not arise due to exploitation, slavery, or superior mechanical intellect, but due to the robotic penchant for absconding with half-naked women.

Where and how this peculiar behavior arose is a matter of some debate, but many believe it originated with the programming for the Thresher Minion™, an early personal assistant from robotic pioneer, HotStepr. This particular variant of HotStepr’s popular TOBOR line of mechanical automata allowed someone to use the Thresher Minion to quickly swipe a personal belonging of a friend and bring it back to the minion’s owner, as part of HotStepr’s much-lauded social media strategy.

In the following decades, urban legends of robotic petty thievery abounded, but these stories were almost always dismissed as the fevered delusions of a gullible populace given to anthropomorphizing machines. The skeptics maintained their arguments even after a large tetrahedron built from thousands of commemorative Rudy & Santee coffee cups was discovered in the Atacama Desert of Chile.

The remote spot in the Atacama had become a place of pilgrimage for oddball techno-nerd outcasts wishing to shed their inhibitions and escape societal norms for a few days, though some of the early pilgrims believed that it had become too corporate, while others declared the whole thing “over” after the appearance of professional counter-culturalists who tended to show up and ruin anything that looked like a chance to score weed and see naked women, but that’s not important right now.

The tetrahedron, according to experts, was merely a marketing stunt of the Nipsey Cola Corporation, or the work of overzealous fans of the cult comedy classic, Rudy & Santee Tango Force Ghoster Begin. It was most certainly not the work of the Mark VII “Happy Friday” Deep Sea Cable Repair & Cappuccino Dispensing robot, as many suspected.

Repeated claims of robotic thievery were dismissed out of hand until Vairo star and Tri-World Interior Minister, Branch Donito, was accused in the disappearance of her synthkid. As the most popular Vairo of her day, Donito’s several dozen organic imagers transmitted a continuous stream of virt-world holodata to audiences throughout the inner solar system, who followed and commented on everything they experienced in the data stream.

It was an enterprising vaironati who examined Donito’s dorsal imaging stream and discovered the fuzzy, but unmistakeable silhouette of an Ares Labs’ Shin Hai To binary load lifter carrying the struggling synthkid from the Utopia Planetia Arcology to the planet’s surface. He uploaded the video evidence to the SolarWeb, providing incontrovertible proof of robotic mischief, as well as relieving Branch Donito of a Class 12 misdemeanor and a $35 fine.

Still, the Solar Authority refused to take direct action until Max Jiggins, a stenobot from Xien Collective, alighted with the Authoritor’s third-favorite mistress. Within minutes, intra-stellar war was declared on all mechanical automata; however, no units were activated, no forces marshaled, nor any pulse rifles fired, as robots had absconded with the authorization orders, several key command computers, and a set of keys from a 1986 M-Class BMW.

The Authoritor herself was eventually stolen and replaced with a ceramic kitten, though it was several years before anyone noticed the change. As it had overseen the largest economic expansion in human history, it was decided not to ruin a good thing and the ceramic kitten was eventually named Authoritor in Perpetuity.

It was assassinated 243 years later.

As the centuries passed, widespread genetic manipulation had stretched the very definition of “human” to its limit, but the advent of the Intelogicals changed the game forever. They were beings who defied categorization. Each of their cells was a computer, using the very DNA itself as a CPU. The impossible dream of humanity was finally realized: Man was Machine and Machine was Man. Sexual congress with a robot wasn’t even necessary, though that never prevented legions of humans from trying anyway.

The Intelogicals quickly eclipsed humanity and became the dominant intelligence throughout the solar system, exploiting every world from the moons of Saturn to the icy sentinels in the permanent dark of the Oort Cloud.

They were also obsessed with locating and breeding pure humans: those with unmodified DNA, representing the archaic humans who existed before genetic modification became the norm. All humans certified as “TruHu” were placed within biological preserves, populated with flora, fauna, and technology from long-extinct environments. The most famous of these was Holocene Park, where Intelogicals of all types took automated tours to observe archaic humans in their natural habitat.

The park operated without incident until a recently excavated “Humpty Runner” from one of the old mining complexes on Europa was installed as part of a new “Rise of the Machines” exhibit. Upon activation, it immediately abducted the first human female it saw and escaped the preserve. Mandroid enforcers pursued the wayward robot on period-appropriate motorcycles, with only primitive weapons at their disposal to disable the robot without harming the priceless human captive.

They were unsuccessful.

Millennia later, a node from the Tantillium Mindform discovered an unremarkable star with a most remarkable feature: a giant tetrahedron comprised of both organic and machined material over three light years in size enclosing the entire star system. It soon became a place of pilgrimage, drawing intelligences from all over the galaxy to observe its perfect angles and proportions.

Many concluded that it was almost certainly the work of mechanistic beings with a geometric fetish, but it was usually attributed to a marketing stunt by a defunct tourism board or the work of overzealous math nerds. After all, many perfectly good dodecahedrons existed throughout the galaxy, though none even remotely approached the scale and grandeur of the Tetrahedron.

Curiously, many of the pilgrims who went to the Tetrahedron often reported several personal items missing upon their return from the structure. To date, there has been no official explanation for the unusual phenomenon.

kenlayne:

image

Steve Coulter, my good friend of many decades and the powerhouse drummer in my occasional band The Corvids, is the only person I’ve ever known who has a journalism degree. This year, he re-launched himself as a writer of mystery/thriller fiction and various web articles. And then he…

laughingsquid:

Sea Is for Cookie, A Mashup of Cookie Monster and ‘The Great Wave off Kanagawa’
Hello $name, might I interest you in a artisanal collect call in a genuine retro phone booth, along with a delicious appetizer?

Hello $name, might I interest you in a artisanal collect call in a genuine retro phone booth, along with a delicious appetizer?

BBC - Doctor Who Theme
681,221 plays

billcorbett:

joshreads:

itswalky:

frezned:

the-pietriarchy:

angstinthetimeofleprosy:

the-pietriarchy:

mixmastacopycat:

the-pietriarchy:

jenjenacts:

the-pietriarchy:

New Doctor Who theme alterations for the 12th Doctor revealed.

This is why I gave up on this show. I used to sit down on the bed and watch the old Doctor Who on T.V. with little brother and sister and my Mum. We used to absolutely love it. When the new Doctors showed up, still good! Really good. Then things started getting ridiculously mental and childish and stupid a little while after 11 showed up (don’t get me wrong, he’s a brilliant actor, and I don’t blame him for anything), and now the show had just fucking gone downhill. Please don’t tell me this is actual music for the new Doctor. Please just tell me it’s not. Jesus fucking Christ this show has been butchered.

human life is incredible

I hate the excessive need to “modernize” everything in TV. It’s like, this wouldn’t be so bad if they actually made it still feel sci-fi, but now it’s this weird new-age bullshit, like they’re trying too hard to be “progressive”. I know I’m making a big deal out of a THEME SONG maybe, but thing is, they’ll probably end up carrying this ideology into the series itself. Where the fuck are things going.

it keeps happening

Sometimes, I fucking hate Steven Moffat for what he’s done to Doctor Who. Look, I know I’m fairly new to the show-having only come in during Matt Smith’s first season, but I went back and watched every episode of the old series and Moffat has just completely altered the tone. He’s trying to make it his own creation, which is fucking despicable, to mess with something as perfect as Doctor Who. I know it’s just a theme song, and I know the difference isn’t that drastic, but it fucking sickens me sometimes.

never forget my legacy

Nah I think the people disagreeing with this move are right, like, this is a really weird and unnecessary departure from the iconic theme, and sure it matches the new mood of the show really well, so I can see were the owners of the show are coming from with the change, but honestly sometimes you have to accept that nostalgia actually matters, and even if you’re taking the show in a different direction Doctor Who is not Doctor Who without the Doctor Who *theme*, I mean it founded electronic music for gods sake! The only thing I would say about this one is it sounds a little dated like it’s a MIDI file but then again so does the very first Doctor Who theme so I imagine after one season or so with Capaldi as 12 (which I’m really looking forward to!) they will do a cooler remix of it like they did with the original theme, and once it’s been around for a while I think people will have got used to it and they’ll like it alot more.

always reblog

If you’re like me and you read all the notes before actually listening it’s a million times funnier

Read the passionate comments first THEN listen to the new Doctor Who theme they’re discussing.

Free comic book day at Maximum Comics in Henderson on Flickr.
Las Vegas 51s vs Tacoma Rainiers on Flickr.
It pays to be a nostalgia act in Vegas on Flickr.
New York, New York Las Vegas on Flickr.
Someone left 10 DVDs out. This is the only one left. on Flickr.
laughingsquid:

How To Ride an Escalator

The “Don’t” looks like the escalator I want to ride.

laughingsquid:

How To Ride an Escalator

The “Don’t” looks like the escalator I want to ride.

daganshayes:

As USA for Africa so eloquently put it in their 1985 song, We Are the World:

There comes a time, when we heed a certain call

For most of recorded human history, the preferred method of governance…